i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
