So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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