You smell like a Billy Joel song
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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