Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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