Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
