Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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