If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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