Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
