I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
