So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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