tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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