woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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