I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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