Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Im part way to drunk.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The air taste purple.
Randomize
