one might say we're banned from that church
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
