Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
