so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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