And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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