So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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