Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
