I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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