She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is the high leading the old right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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