i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize