so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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