Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
