remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
