Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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