I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
