Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
