My hand turned me down
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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