you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
