Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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