True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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