Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
