So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
