I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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