If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
