Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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