Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
