There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
