Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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