It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
