My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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