they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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