Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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