The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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