Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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