the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
