My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
