clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
