Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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