epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize