There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
