is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
