Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
