Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
