is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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