im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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