It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
