so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize