Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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