and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
