I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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