I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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