Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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