i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Boobs speak an international language.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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